Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Things I Love and Things That Make Me Mad

Y'all, I'm gonna apologize - I don't have any tips for you today. I have been occupied with a mighty cute man and haven't really had much time for home economics. Add to that the fact that I'm still eating chili I made the other day (told ya it would last!) and the fact that I am FLAT BROKE, and there's been very little going on at home. I'll get re-inspired asap, but for now, I'm just gonna list some things I love and things that make me real good and mad. We'll start with the mads (if you do these things, please take a moment to reflect):

-Aggressive drivers
Y'all, yours truly used to be a very bad driver. Very bad. I would tailgate, speed, cut people off, honk my horn, yell obscenities, you name it, I did it. And I got away with it for a while. But this December I got a big fat speeding ticket and a warning for aggressive driving. Folks, it's just not worth it. Slow down, get off my bumper, don't text, etc. And don't be a jerk, period. Otherwise, expect me to slam on my brakes on Dean Road and slow down to 25 mph for the next quarter mile - here's looking at you, silver Honda!
Don't be this guy.

-People who talk politics on Facebook even months after the election
We get it, you're still mad. Be a grown-up and vent in your blog :)

-Alarm clocks with nasty noises
My alarm on my phone has two tones - the quieter, gentle wake that happens 3 minutes before the real thing is called Fairy Fountain. Seriously. My real alarm is called Walk in the Woods. These are pleasant alarms, folks, and wake me up in a much better mood than the "holy crap" buzzer alarm I have as a backup. I HATE THE "HOLY CRAP" ALARM! Oh, how I loathe it. Do yourself a favor and get a nice alarm. You'll be less grouchy.
-People who let their kids scream across a store
I want to call DFACS on you so so bad. And I'm not talking toddlers - I feel for you parents. I'm talking the very overweight 9-year-old SCREAMING AT HIS MOTHER in Walgreens last night. And this wasn't a "he might have a handicap" situation, this was a "he needs five across the eyes" situation.

-Extreme couponers during grocery rush hour
Dude, I get it. Things are expensive. I applaud the coupon use, I really do. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, don't be Cathy Coupon at 5:30 PM on Monday when all I want is a pack of chicken, a bottle of wine, and some gummy worms. I hate you people.

Bet Purple Coat is using coups.

-People who get in the 15 items or fewer line with more than 15 items
Learn to read.
If you break the rule, those yellow hands should slap you.

-Last call
Seriously, those words are just hateful. Sometimes tear-inducing.

You suck!

-The word "feminazi"
Go away, you chauvinistic, insecure jerk.

-Leggings as pants
ENOUGH. They are a go-between for tights and pants. Yet they are neither tights nor pants. If your rear end is not fully covered by what you are wearing on top, leggings are not appropriate. And you aren't wearing pants.


-People who are mean to my best friend
I will cut you. Straight up. She's a rockstar, and you're just jealous.

Okay, so now for things I love!

-Cooking dinner
There is something about making your own food that makes it taste better. Plus, it totes makes you a grown-up.

I mean, who doesn't? It's basically the greatest thing ever, especially when it's with someone you just can't get enough of. Or your dog, cause mine cuddles LIKE A BOSS.

-My job
If you hate yours, start looking for another one. Life is way too short. Whether you change locations, change positions, or change paths completely, just do it. And don't put up with a jerky boss. They suck really bad.

-Text messages
There is absolutely nothing that makes me smile faster than a text from Homegirl ("Dude. I just got dumped for taxes. Can I come snuggle? I have wine") or from a certain guy ("Hope you have a good day beautiful...miss that smile and those eyes") or anyone else I care about. Take a moment and turn someone's day around with a sweet or funny text.

Also love: Texts From Hillary

I might have a teeny tiny addiction to conditioner - y'all remember that scene in Billy Madison where Adam Sandler is in the tub making the shampoo and conditioner fight? Team Conditioner, ftw!


I used to hate em, cause I used to have to work on Saturdays. Now, best day of the week, hands down. Find your Saturday and enjoy.

-My nephew
Seriously, this kid is the best. And the nice thing about nephews is that it's kinda like renting a kid. You can play with them til you're bored, then hand them right back to their parents when you want to go gallivanting. Winning.

Y'all, I don't have a problem or anything (except I'm on an antibiotic that I can't drink alcohol with, so here's to a week of no booze), but there are just some beers, wines, and liquors that are super tasty. I love being an adult and drinking the pertinent beverages!

My next 7 days.

I like visiting with y'all. I hope y'all like it, too.

-Saying random things in another language
Guys, German has words like lieblingsfreizeitbeschaftigung and schadenfreude. And the Spanish cervezas is way more fun than plain ol' beer. Try on some new words today.

That's all I've got. Make your own list, or leave a comment with things you love or things that make you mad. I'll see y'all tomorrow - I'll be making pot roast sometime soon, so look for my simple recipe within a week.

1 comment:

  1. I have laughed all the way through have brought an end to a very tense day.