Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Time I Went to Work Not Matching

Readers, once again, I suck at daily blogging. So screw it, it's my blog - I post when I post, and now my posts will mean more to you because they aren't whipped together out of a made-up obligation to post, but a need, a veritable need, to share.

I am a hot mess at fashion - my sense of style is cobbled together based on a few key points:
1) Is it clean?
2) Does it (mostly) fit?
3) Am I too young/old to wear it?

...that's about where my thought process stops. Also, I am NOT a morning person, so by the fifth snooze button slam, I am running late. Every. Single. Morning. The subtlety of accessories and carefully selected outfits does not belong in a routine that involves running around saying, "oh s***, oh s***, oh f*** F*** F*** S***TY F***ITY F***!" (true story, ask the dog)

As such, my daily outfit consists of either a dress (if I bothered to spend the 5 minutes to shave my legs, which is doubtful) or pants and a top, some form of shoes, earrings (always the same boring pearl ones), and my watch (which is just an exercise in irony, since there's never a point in wearing a watch if you're late anyway). The end. Don't try to get me to add to it, cause it won't work. If I hit the snooze button six times instead of five, there goes time to wash and dry my hair, so I'll add some form of hair accessory, purely for function.

Two weeks ago, I wore black shoes with a brown dress. I changed at lunch, but the damage was done.

Today, two pieces of my outfit match. Two. (Well, four, if you count that each of my shoes matches the other - I do not)

In my stupor today, I washed my hair, forgetting that I could not dry it or I would be late. I threw on a headband:

At least my blonde is sunning nicely? Thanks, Day At The Pool.

I then threw on some pants that desperately need re-hemming - the hems are held up with safety pins. No lie.

Can anyone tell me what color this is?
It's like brown and grey had a nightmare for a baby.

Then, in my brilliance, I added a green camisole and a green striped shirt. They match each other, but not the headband or the pants.

Then I put on some of my favorite shoes, which sort of but not really match the pants....okay, fine, they don't match any f***ing thing I put on today.

If you thought the pants were actually brown, you can now see they are, in fact, NOT.

Additionally, my pearl earrings? One each from two different sets - broke one, lost the other. They are 2 millimeters different in diameter. Deal with it.

Later, I will reflect on WHY I chose to let you see my weird colored-hair-meets-natural-hair margin....
My skibbies don't even match. Those will not be pictured.

I do have a matching outfit for Zumba class, though. I guess it's the small victories?

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